cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Let's paint friendship bongs
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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