she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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