He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
