Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
