The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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