She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
