I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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