Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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