Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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