he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
