Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
