I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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