Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
