Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize