I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
