all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize