If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
