I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
