If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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