This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
