I feel like I'm in dance class right now
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
