Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize