I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
