cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry about my life...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
