i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
