May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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