Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So squirting runs in the family.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
