i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
