Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
