i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
