yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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