She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
