I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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