I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
