Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this will be a night to untag.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
