I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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