And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize