Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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