my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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