you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
