just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
