You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
