We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
