She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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