im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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