a queef is a wish your heart makes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
