Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
