You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just had sex on a roof
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
