so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
