Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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