I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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