I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
