If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
