ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
