I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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