Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
