Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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