Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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