I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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