Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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