Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
