Cold hands, warm shart.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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