I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
