I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
