you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
