he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
