Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize