I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
