I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
