I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
