I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You are a genius and a whore.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
