How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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