Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
