you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize