watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
