Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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