No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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