After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
