i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
