ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
