Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
