This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
