I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you inspire me to be a worse person
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
