And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
