am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
