I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
