Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
